My family just got back from a great vacation in Williamsburg, VA. We enjoyed Jamestown, Yorktown and Colonial Williamsburg, but the highlight of the trip was Busch Gardens.
I am not really a roller coaster girl. I really hate the sensation of falling, and since most roller coasters want you to feel that sensation of your stomach flying up to your throat, I don't enjoy them.
When I was younger, friends dragged me onto The Big Bad Wolf at Busch Gardens. I survived that experience, mostly because I couldn't see the big hill until I was already on the ride, and getting ready to go down it! But The Loch Ness Monster was right there, in the open, with that huge hill starting off, and I wanted no part of it.
Now I am older, and have figured out what kinds of rides I enjoy. I have no problem going upside down, twisting, or spinning. I am good on smaller roller coasters, but still don't enjoy the sensation of falling, great heights or going so fast I feel out of control.
This trip, I decided to challenge myself a bit. This was, in part, to encourage my child to try some different things, too. So I rode Alpengeist. And didn't hate it.
My husband rode it first. He told me it was really smooth, and so fast you don't really even know what you're doing. He told me to take off my glasses (they would have flown off, yes, but that way, I also was less aware of what was coming next). There was just one big hill at the first that does that "click-click-click-click" all the way up, followed by the rush down. From then on, it was just one quick loop and twist after another.
Compare that to the Griffon, which has three "click-click-click" hills, along with second-long pauses at the top so you know just what is getting ready to happen. As I have said to several people, "Just no. No. No."
But that wasn't the roller coaster on which I learned my lesson.
When we first arrived at the park, the only area open was the Sesame Street area. That was perfect, we thought, because our son would get to "warm up" on the kid rides before deciding to ride the big rides. He enjoyed the wiggly worm ride, and the boat ride, but the roller coaster... not so much.
Grover's Alpine Express is a kid-sized roller coaster. We went up the little hill, and then accelerated down the hill and the curve. At that point, my son turned to me and said, "I don't like this!" Luckily, the ride isn't very long.
I was glad we found out he didn't like roller coasters before we got on one of the big ones. I would have hated for him to have such a traumatic experience, and not ride anything else!
But the lesson I learned (or am trying to learn)? When to push my child and when to let it go.
Was it important that he learn to confront his fears of roller coasters at age 7? No, not really. He has years to figure out what he likes and doesn't like when it comes to thrill rides. When he is a teenager, he might feel differently, or it might take him until he's 40, like me!
I did struggle when we got to the swings, and I couldn't convince him to ride them with me. I encouraged him to try them, but when he said no, I didn't push.
But how does that translate to real life? How far do you push your child, and when do you let go?
My son is not into sports, but I wanted him to at least try soccer. After one season, when he didn't want to continue, the decision to try something else (acting class), was an easy one.
Right now, we are still trying to find the thing or things he will be passionate about. That means trying as many different experiences as we can find, until we find the ones that he really enjoys. It is not so much quitting an activity as deciding that it is not for him, and trying a different one.
He loves music, so he will probably begin music lessons next fall. But what if he wants to quit after a few years, or when he is a teenager?
Being the adult, and the parent, means making those tough decisions sometimes. It would be short-sighted to let him choose to quit something that he would regret quitting later.
And then there's academics. I find that I am a bit of a Tiger Mom. I laughed this week when watching Fresh Off of the Boat, when the mom reacted to her son's straight-A's by going to the school and asking for tougher work for him. I have told my son that if the books he is reading for AR points are too easy to ask for harder ones. When we were off for a couple of weeks for snow and ice, I bought a workbook and made my son do a few pages each day. This week on vacation? Mean Mom still made him do his homework.
I do try hard not to push him too much. But on the other hand, I want him to succeed in life. My parents always expected my best work. While I hated having to redo things, and wished they would just let a few things slide when I was a child, I appreciated their hard work (and the high expectations of my teachers) once I got to college.
I have realized, in talking to people I have worked or socialized with as an adult, that not everyone had a parent or parents who expected the best from them. Not everyone did a workbook (or three) each summer. Not everyone took SAT and ACT prep courses, and agonized over their scores.
And you know, they turned out alright. My mom now admits that she and my father probably pushed going to UNC or another top-tier college too much, and that we might have been just fine going elsewhere.
I think that no matter what, I would have striven to go to a top-tier university. But I probably could have done without the ulcer-creating junior year math class I hated so much. I should have taken the easier course, knowing that I wasn't planning on majoring in anything that required much math (and my senior year, I did just that).
That doesn't mean I will stop expecting my child's best work, or that I won't keep pushing him to achieve. That doesn't mean I will let him quit piano (or guitar or violin) lessons if he grows tired of practicing and just wants to play video games instead. He will attend prep classes for the SAT or ACT or whatever the test is when he gets to high school.
However, in light of the roller coaster epiphany, I am going to try to curb some of my instincts to push him harder. There is a line between having high expectations and making sure they are met, and pushing your child so much that he rebels or grows to hate something he once loved. I have to let him decide when he's ready to move up to the next level of books (or trust that the teacher will move him up when he is ready). I have to let him decide if the acting class he is taking now is something he wants to continue doing, or if it was a good experience, but it is time to move on to something else.
And I will let him grow to love (or tolerate) roller coasters on his own schedule.
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