It seems counter-intuitive, but writing my blog is definitely a different experience than writing a paper. No citations, no checking to make sure I have formatted things correctly... this is the part of school I was not looking forward to when I began!
But I have had a topic on my mind for awhile now, and I wanted to share.
Every day, I drive the same route to take my son to school and pick him up. So in 2 1/2 years, I've probably passed by this same corner, with a stoplight, hundreds and hundreds of times.
About a month ago, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to my right, and lo and behold, there are (miniature) horses in the yard, right beyond the fence.
Horses. I think there's four of them, but there may be five. It is hard to see, as you go by or even if you're stopped at the light, the entire yard and count them.
You'd think that I would notice horses, even very small ones, before now. I have, after all, lived in this town for almost 12 years. This lot is on a busy residential street, and while the fence has a lot of vines and bushes to cover portions of it, once you see the horses, you cannot imagine how you didn't see them before.
But isn't that how life is? There are little moments of grace and joy that we, as busy people, rush by and pay no attention to, until something literally or figuratively nudges us to notice.
Now, every time I go by, I look to see if the horses are out and about. My son looks, too. They are about the size of a large dog, and I keep imagining why they are there. Does the owner rent them for parties for little kids? Are they raised as therapy animals or service animals? Are they simply beloved pets of someone who lives adjacent to this lot?
Can I go pet them someday?
But the bigger question is, what else am I missing because my eyes are focused on the prize? Stop and smell the roses, they tell us, but then they also tell us to work hard, play hard, and to lean in, and that we can be anything we want if we just work hard enough.
I have been fortunate enough to stay home with my son for eight years now. There have been times when I have despaired that I would ever have time for myself, or uninterrupted adult conversation, again. (And I only have one kid. I know many moms with two, three or more kids vying for their time). But I have also reveled in the moments when I get to sit outside on a sunny day and play with my kid (or let him play while I soaked up the sun). I have loved taking him museums and other places and not having to deal with the weekend crowds.
Now, though, I am turning away from that life (very slowly) as I begin grad school. My life is busier than I would like at times. I have to let him fend for himself a lot while I read or work on a project for class. My ultimate goal of being a school librarian seems modest, considering all of the wonderful things you can do with a LIS degree. But being a school librarian (or school media specialist) will mean I will still have summers free, and will be, more or less, on the same schedule as my son. He will still benefit from my being there to help him with homework and take him to music lessons in the afternoons so his evenings can be free (or more free than they would if I worked in a different position).
There is nothing wrong with being ambitious. There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself that might not be the "best" thing for others in your life. But there's also nothing wrong with choosing the slower path, the one that might not lead to promotions and big salaries, but does allow you to smell the roses sometimes.
I know a lot of women who have their own home businesses (jewelry, skin care and makeup, home produce delivery, exercise and health supplements, and so on). While I didn't think that was a good fit for me, it is a great opportunity for many women, mostly moms, to make money on their schedules, to still get to be a mom while making money. And isn't that what we all want to do - make enough money that we can enjoy our lives and spend time with our families and friends?
No matter which path you are on:
- Don't forget to look around and listen to your child tell you a story or see the picture she drew.
- Don't forget to check in with a friend, just to say hi and reconnect, because it will make your soul smile.
- Don't forget to take a moment to thank God or the universe or whatever you believe in for sunsets and tulips and beautiful vistas and yummy food and life-giving water and chocolate.
- Don't forget to set aside time to read, or do yoga, or binge-watch your favorite show, or cook a great dinner, or get a mani/pedi, or whatever else recharges your batteries.
- Don't forget the roses. And the horses. They are magic.
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