Today I had the honor to attend a luncheon honoring myself and five other women who had completed our six years of service with the Alamance County Service League, and welcoming our new provisional class of women who are just starting their six years of fun, sweat, laughter, baking and friendships.
This organization is not for everyone. You have to have the time to commit to volunteer 50 hours a year at League projects. You have to be someone who prioritizes serving others over other responsibilities and activities that fill your life. You have to be someone who either has flexible work hours, be a stay at home mom, or be at a time in your life when you can make time to volunteer after work hours and on weekends.
While that sounds a bit sanctimonious to say this isn't for everyone, I really don't mean to be. Everyone is in a different place in life, and has different priorities. Right now, between grad school and other responsibilities, I would probably not be a good Service League member! There are several wonderful people I know who had to quit the League because it wasn't the right time for them to volunteer in this way. But for the last six years, I had the time to give, and wanted to volunteer, and was lucky enough to be able to.
We always have wonderful speakers at our luncheon, and this year was no different. We had a speaker from a local non-profit organization that runs a family literacy program called It Takes a Village Project, who inspired us all to want to work with them in the future, and two past presidents, Molly and Jen, who spoke about the lessons they learned from Service League. I want to elaborate on their message today, because it touched me.
Be Kind. We, as women, are held up and compared to each other, and judged by society, other women and (sometimes most harshly) ourselves. Are our kids getting straight As? Are they scoring goals on the soccer field or playing the lead in a theater production? Are we getting a promotion at work? Is our house clean and stylish? Do we cook a homemade dinner each night? Do we have the latest car/phone/TV/status symbol? Are we going to the gym several times a week? Are we involved in our children's schools, at our churches, at the local non-profit agency? Are we giving enough money or time?
How do we measure success? Often, it is by outward signs. We have nice clothes, a toned body, children who are successes at school and at extracurricular activities. We have a good job and are married and have a nice house and a car and everything looks peachy keen in our lives.
But were we kind? Did we give of ourselves when no one was watching? Did we smile, even when the person we were trying to help was unappreciative? Did we do something for someone else just because it was the right thing to do and not because we were told to do it? Are we teaching our children to be kind, to treat others with respect and understanding, to volunteer because it brings you joy even as you bring joy and hope to others?
The Service League taught us all the lesson that the giving of yourself to others in service is a privilege we are lucky to have. We are fortunate to be in a position to be the givers. We may not always be in that position. There are times we all need help, support, love, a hug, a hand up, an understanding smile. So always treat others with respect and kindness and love, the way we would want to be treated if we needed help.
We all chose to be "Yes" women. Yes, we will give up our lunch hour to deliver meals or perform a puppet show or do a craft with an older adult. Yes, we will put our kids in the car and bring them with us to deliver those meals or visit with older adults. Yes, we will spend a day (if not two or three days) making baked goods to sell at Holly Days so we can spend more money the next year helping individuals and families in need. Yes, we will chair a project or organize a fundraiser or serve as the Treasurer, Vice President, President, Provisional
Chair/Parliamentarian, Corresponding Secretary or Recording Secretary. Yes, we will pick up extra cleaning supplies and pantry items when we go grocery shopping for our Christmas Cheer families. Yes, we make a meal for the medical professionals who are donating their time at the Open Door Clinic. Yes, we will commit to come to monthly meetings (at least some of the time) and sign up for service projects so we can fulfill the commitments the League made to our community.
We do all of that, and so much more.
I've gotten better at saying "No" recently, mostly because I've had to so grad school can be my priority. There are things that I am truly sorry I can't commit to right now. But there also are things I still am saying "Yes" to because they are dear to my heart.
Going to the luncheon today was a bit like coming home after a long absence. Some of the women I hadn't seen in awhile, and I had missed them. I missed the community of women working together towards the goal of uplifting those in need.
Coming together for a luncheon can seem like a frivolous thing. But that misses the joy of sharing a meal with friends, for laughing about getting lost on Meals on Wheels routes and the horror of glittery ribbons shedding all over your beautiful cake. That misses the support you feel when a friend gives you a hug and says, "I've missed you!" That misses the point of gathering and celebrating those who have finished their six years and those who are just starting out. It misses the joy of putting on a pretty outfit and sipping a drink and feeling special because you are one woman in a group of wonderful women who are making their part of the world a little more brighter with their smiles and their service.
I am so proud to say I am a member of the Alamance County Service League, and that it changed me for the better. I am proud to be a "Yes" woman in a world where it is often every person for him- or herself and success is measured by the things you own or your place on the totem pole.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Friday, April 15, 2016
Be a Light Bearer
Recently I picked up an old favorite book, A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle.
When I first read A Ring of Endless Light, I was a young teenager. I identified strongly with Vicky. I, too, loved to read and write poetry. I felt everything strongly, and wondered if I would ever find someone to love. I loved dolphins, and spending time with my family, and was pretty naive, much like Vicky (although she had much better luck with boys than I ever did).
When L'Engle came to my city, my mom took me to the local bookstore so I could hear her and have her sign my copy of the book.
She wrote, "Mary Beth: Be a light bearer. Madeleine L'Engle"
Be a light bearer. I love that phrase. To me, that says, keep being the light in others' lives. Keep some of that innocence and naivety, keep believing the goodness of others, keep fighting the good fight to help others.
As I re-read the book, I was struck, again, at L'Engle's beautiful wording and language. I still feel a little like Vicky, even though I am in a different stage of life now. Even though I have seen and experienced a lot more of life, I still believe in the inherent goodness of people.
So I take this charge from L'Engle, to be a light bearer, very seriously. And it is a charge, a commandment to go out into the world and be positive, be a light in the world, and also to stand up for what I believe.
And this is what is weighing heavily on my mind, as it is on many minds in N.C. - HB 2.
If you are living under a rock and haven't heard of it, this bill is also called the "Bathroom Bill," and is designed to do different things, depending on who you ask. The legislators who passed the bill, and the governor who signed the bill, say it is about protecting women and children in bathrooms and locker rooms. It was created to counteract a local Charlotte ordinance that allowed transgender individuals to use the bathroom/locker room of their choosing.
It has created a firestorm of criticism and, quite frankly, makes me sad. I don't want our state to be the butt of jokes on late night TV, boycotted by Bruce Springsteen and other performers, shunned by Fortune 500 companies, and seen as being backward, rather than progressive and modern yet still Southern.
But most of all, I hurt because I see people, Godly people even, putting things on Facebook about how boys should be boys and girls should be girls, and why are we even having this conversation because you should be happy with how God made you, and this law protects our children and why should I have to bend over backwards to accommodate someone else's "beliefs" when they could harm me and mine.
There are so many things wrong with these statements.
I don't happen to know anyone personally who is transgender (or if I do, I don't know it). But it doesn't take long to find articles and videos online that show, with no doubt whatsoever, that trans people have felt "wrong" since they were 3 or 4 years old (and by wrong, I do not mean that they are wrong or bad, but rather that their outside self and physical characteristics do not match their inner self).
I already put this on Facebook, in response to a video segment from 60 Minutes on a transgender swimmer at Harvard, but I will say it again. At 3 or 4 years old, you don't know about politics or gender identity. You watch Sesame Street and Super Why and Tom and Jerry cartoons. One day you're a pirate and the next day you're a princess and you're not worrying whether that fits your "gender." So if at 3 or 4 years old, you feel wrong in your body, and you continue to feel that way, then it isn't a fad, it isn't something you can pray away or ignore or repress. And if you do try to ignore it or repress it, you will make yourself sick, in mind and body. You are a transsexual person. That is how God made you. It is not a mistake, you are not a mistake, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I know this sounds crazy to people, because most of us have never felt this way. But imagine it is your child/grandchild/friend's child or grandchild. Imagine the pain they already feel because they are "different" in a world that does not always welcome different people. Look at statistics, and see the (too-high) rate of suicide in trans teens and young adults. Listen to the insistence of a six year old child who knows in her heart she was born the wrong gender and imagine how horrible her life will be if she is told over and over again that her feelings do not matter and she is a boy, and she needs to get over this nonsense because she should be happy at how God made her.
Imagine that instead of talking about some nameless, faceless person out there in the world, you are talking about someone's son or daughter, someone who is loved and cherished, someone who matters to God.
Then look at this law and see it as the slap in the face it is to the LGBTQIA community. Realize that, furthermore, it is a slap in the face to all towns and cities, who are being told they cannot create their own nondiscrimination policies that go further than the state's policy. See that most companies realize that it is bad for business to purposefully (and it was purposefully) exclude LGBTQIA from discrimination protections in our state. And see that taking away the ability of EVERYONE to sue workplaces for discrimination in state court and make them pay more and do more to bring a suit in federal court is harmful for the entire state. See this bill as a response to fear over a bogeyman that does not exist and a cover for a strong dislike (even a hate) towards those who are different.
But let's talk about that bogeyman, because that is what people are hiding behind in supporting this bill. This protects the women and children, they say. How?
How does this keep a molester out of the bathroom? "Gee, now that there's this law here, I guess I won't go into that girls' room." Nope, I am not that naive. So if you were afraid that some molester would take advantage of this nondiscrimination policy and walk into the ladies room, saying they were transgender, what stops them from doing the EXACT same thing right now?
"Excuse me, but aren't you a man? This is the Ladies Room."
"No, ma'am. I am actually transgender, so while I have male characteristics, I was actually born a female and belong in this bathroom, according to the law."
Are you going to ask for proof? How are you going to ask for proof? Are we all going to be carrying around birth certificates, proof of physicals, or be branded in some way, male or female?
This is a slippery slope and it goes nowhere good. The policy of schools and public facilities (and private facilities and businesses) should always be that if there is anyone who makes you uncomfortable in a bathroom, then go find someone who can help. It shouldn't matter if that person is the same gender as you, or a different gender. If they are in the bathroom and not doing bathroom things, and are staring, taking pictures or otherwise making you uncomfortable, speak up. Walk out. Find someone who can help.
And if you are a parent, and you don't feel comfortable sending your child into a restroom by themselves, find a family bathroom, or a single room bathroom that you can use with your child or stand outside of it and keep watch. I know that isn't always possible, but in most circumstances, you can find one somewhere.
As a parent, it is a fine line to walk between arming our children with helpful information and scaring them. I don't want to scare my child into being afraid of public restrooms (the self-flushing toilets and loud hand dryers do a good enough job of that on their own). But I do feel a bit uncomfortable sending him into the changing room at the public pool by himself. So I do need to give him the "talk" before this summer so he understands when to get an adult if he feels uncomfortable.
But that has nothing to do with transsexual people, or gay people. They are no more likely to be molesters than heterosexual people. And let's be honest. This bill is not about protecting women and children against the bogeyman. It is about leaving out LGBTQIA people out of the nondiscrimination policies in the state.
There are people who say that statistics show assaults go up after passing these types of laws. Great, then let's do something about that. Spend more money on education, so schools can afford school resource officers full time and for any after-school activity. Hire more police officers to patrol the streets. Offer training for all adults who work with children to spot suspicious activity (because while stranger danger is real, most assaults are by someone the child or woman knows). Budget more money for the local sexual assault center and the nonprofits that work to combat assaults. For that matter, teach children about how to treat the opposite sex, how to love one another and not judge others, how to be a friend and not a bully, how we are all different but that doesn't make us less than or more than others. There are so many things that can be done other than pass a law that doesn't actually do anything to stop an assault.
Be a light bearer in the world. Stand up for the little guy. Offer him/her the same protections you would offer anyone else. Substitute the word "Christian" or "Jewish" or "black" or "white" or "woman" or "man" or "older adult" or "people with red hair" for LGBTQIA, and see how you would feel if you were purposefully left out of the nondiscrimination policy.
We are not this. That has been the refrain from ,many North Carolinians. But right now, we ARE this, and until we stand up and let those in the legislature and governor's mansion know that this is not who we want to be, North Carolina will be defined by their actions.
When I first read A Ring of Endless Light, I was a young teenager. I identified strongly with Vicky. I, too, loved to read and write poetry. I felt everything strongly, and wondered if I would ever find someone to love. I loved dolphins, and spending time with my family, and was pretty naive, much like Vicky (although she had much better luck with boys than I ever did).
When L'Engle came to my city, my mom took me to the local bookstore so I could hear her and have her sign my copy of the book.
She wrote, "Mary Beth: Be a light bearer. Madeleine L'Engle"
Be a light bearer. I love that phrase. To me, that says, keep being the light in others' lives. Keep some of that innocence and naivety, keep believing the goodness of others, keep fighting the good fight to help others.
As I re-read the book, I was struck, again, at L'Engle's beautiful wording and language. I still feel a little like Vicky, even though I am in a different stage of life now. Even though I have seen and experienced a lot more of life, I still believe in the inherent goodness of people.
So I take this charge from L'Engle, to be a light bearer, very seriously. And it is a charge, a commandment to go out into the world and be positive, be a light in the world, and also to stand up for what I believe.
And this is what is weighing heavily on my mind, as it is on many minds in N.C. - HB 2.
If you are living under a rock and haven't heard of it, this bill is also called the "Bathroom Bill," and is designed to do different things, depending on who you ask. The legislators who passed the bill, and the governor who signed the bill, say it is about protecting women and children in bathrooms and locker rooms. It was created to counteract a local Charlotte ordinance that allowed transgender individuals to use the bathroom/locker room of their choosing.
It has created a firestorm of criticism and, quite frankly, makes me sad. I don't want our state to be the butt of jokes on late night TV, boycotted by Bruce Springsteen and other performers, shunned by Fortune 500 companies, and seen as being backward, rather than progressive and modern yet still Southern.
But most of all, I hurt because I see people, Godly people even, putting things on Facebook about how boys should be boys and girls should be girls, and why are we even having this conversation because you should be happy with how God made you, and this law protects our children and why should I have to bend over backwards to accommodate someone else's "beliefs" when they could harm me and mine.
There are so many things wrong with these statements.
I don't happen to know anyone personally who is transgender (or if I do, I don't know it). But it doesn't take long to find articles and videos online that show, with no doubt whatsoever, that trans people have felt "wrong" since they were 3 or 4 years old (and by wrong, I do not mean that they are wrong or bad, but rather that their outside self and physical characteristics do not match their inner self).
I already put this on Facebook, in response to a video segment from 60 Minutes on a transgender swimmer at Harvard, but I will say it again. At 3 or 4 years old, you don't know about politics or gender identity. You watch Sesame Street and Super Why and Tom and Jerry cartoons. One day you're a pirate and the next day you're a princess and you're not worrying whether that fits your "gender." So if at 3 or 4 years old, you feel wrong in your body, and you continue to feel that way, then it isn't a fad, it isn't something you can pray away or ignore or repress. And if you do try to ignore it or repress it, you will make yourself sick, in mind and body. You are a transsexual person. That is how God made you. It is not a mistake, you are not a mistake, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I know this sounds crazy to people, because most of us have never felt this way. But imagine it is your child/grandchild/friend's child or grandchild. Imagine the pain they already feel because they are "different" in a world that does not always welcome different people. Look at statistics, and see the (too-high) rate of suicide in trans teens and young adults. Listen to the insistence of a six year old child who knows in her heart she was born the wrong gender and imagine how horrible her life will be if she is told over and over again that her feelings do not matter and she is a boy, and she needs to get over this nonsense because she should be happy at how God made her.
Imagine that instead of talking about some nameless, faceless person out there in the world, you are talking about someone's son or daughter, someone who is loved and cherished, someone who matters to God.
Then look at this law and see it as the slap in the face it is to the LGBTQIA community. Realize that, furthermore, it is a slap in the face to all towns and cities, who are being told they cannot create their own nondiscrimination policies that go further than the state's policy. See that most companies realize that it is bad for business to purposefully (and it was purposefully) exclude LGBTQIA from discrimination protections in our state. And see that taking away the ability of EVERYONE to sue workplaces for discrimination in state court and make them pay more and do more to bring a suit in federal court is harmful for the entire state. See this bill as a response to fear over a bogeyman that does not exist and a cover for a strong dislike (even a hate) towards those who are different.
But let's talk about that bogeyman, because that is what people are hiding behind in supporting this bill. This protects the women and children, they say. How?
How does this keep a molester out of the bathroom? "Gee, now that there's this law here, I guess I won't go into that girls' room." Nope, I am not that naive. So if you were afraid that some molester would take advantage of this nondiscrimination policy and walk into the ladies room, saying they were transgender, what stops them from doing the EXACT same thing right now?
"Excuse me, but aren't you a man? This is the Ladies Room."
"No, ma'am. I am actually transgender, so while I have male characteristics, I was actually born a female and belong in this bathroom, according to the law."
Are you going to ask for proof? How are you going to ask for proof? Are we all going to be carrying around birth certificates, proof of physicals, or be branded in some way, male or female?
This is a slippery slope and it goes nowhere good. The policy of schools and public facilities (and private facilities and businesses) should always be that if there is anyone who makes you uncomfortable in a bathroom, then go find someone who can help. It shouldn't matter if that person is the same gender as you, or a different gender. If they are in the bathroom and not doing bathroom things, and are staring, taking pictures or otherwise making you uncomfortable, speak up. Walk out. Find someone who can help.
And if you are a parent, and you don't feel comfortable sending your child into a restroom by themselves, find a family bathroom, or a single room bathroom that you can use with your child or stand outside of it and keep watch. I know that isn't always possible, but in most circumstances, you can find one somewhere.
As a parent, it is a fine line to walk between arming our children with helpful information and scaring them. I don't want to scare my child into being afraid of public restrooms (the self-flushing toilets and loud hand dryers do a good enough job of that on their own). But I do feel a bit uncomfortable sending him into the changing room at the public pool by himself. So I do need to give him the "talk" before this summer so he understands when to get an adult if he feels uncomfortable.
But that has nothing to do with transsexual people, or gay people. They are no more likely to be molesters than heterosexual people. And let's be honest. This bill is not about protecting women and children against the bogeyman. It is about leaving out LGBTQIA people out of the nondiscrimination policies in the state.
There are people who say that statistics show assaults go up after passing these types of laws. Great, then let's do something about that. Spend more money on education, so schools can afford school resource officers full time and for any after-school activity. Hire more police officers to patrol the streets. Offer training for all adults who work with children to spot suspicious activity (because while stranger danger is real, most assaults are by someone the child or woman knows). Budget more money for the local sexual assault center and the nonprofits that work to combat assaults. For that matter, teach children about how to treat the opposite sex, how to love one another and not judge others, how to be a friend and not a bully, how we are all different but that doesn't make us less than or more than others. There are so many things that can be done other than pass a law that doesn't actually do anything to stop an assault.
Be a light bearer in the world. Stand up for the little guy. Offer him/her the same protections you would offer anyone else. Substitute the word "Christian" or "Jewish" or "black" or "white" or "woman" or "man" or "older adult" or "people with red hair" for LGBTQIA, and see how you would feel if you were purposefully left out of the nondiscrimination policy.
We are not this. That has been the refrain from ,many North Carolinians. But right now, we ARE this, and until we stand up and let those in the legislature and governor's mansion know that this is not who we want to be, North Carolina will be defined by their actions.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
There Are Horses In There!
I am taking a break from writing my first grad school paper to write... a blog post.
It seems counter-intuitive, but writing my blog is definitely a different experience than writing a paper. No citations, no checking to make sure I have formatted things correctly... this is the part of school I was not looking forward to when I began!
But I have had a topic on my mind for awhile now, and I wanted to share.
Every day, I drive the same route to take my son to school and pick him up. So in 2 1/2 years, I've probably passed by this same corner, with a stoplight, hundreds and hundreds of times.
About a month ago, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to my right, and lo and behold, there are (miniature) horses in the yard, right beyond the fence.
Horses. I think there's four of them, but there may be five. It is hard to see, as you go by or even if you're stopped at the light, the entire yard and count them.
You'd think that I would notice horses, even very small ones, before now. I have, after all, lived in this town for almost 12 years. This lot is on a busy residential street, and while the fence has a lot of vines and bushes to cover portions of it, once you see the horses, you cannot imagine how you didn't see them before.
But isn't that how life is? There are little moments of grace and joy that we, as busy people, rush by and pay no attention to, until something literally or figuratively nudges us to notice.
Now, every time I go by, I look to see if the horses are out and about. My son looks, too. They are about the size of a large dog, and I keep imagining why they are there. Does the owner rent them for parties for little kids? Are they raised as therapy animals or service animals? Are they simply beloved pets of someone who lives adjacent to this lot?
Can I go pet them someday?
But the bigger question is, what else am I missing because my eyes are focused on the prize? Stop and smell the roses, they tell us, but then they also tell us to work hard, play hard, and to lean in, and that we can be anything we want if we just work hard enough.
I have been fortunate enough to stay home with my son for eight years now. There have been times when I have despaired that I would ever have time for myself, or uninterrupted adult conversation, again. (And I only have one kid. I know many moms with two, three or more kids vying for their time). But I have also reveled in the moments when I get to sit outside on a sunny day and play with my kid (or let him play while I soaked up the sun). I have loved taking him museums and other places and not having to deal with the weekend crowds.
Now, though, I am turning away from that life (very slowly) as I begin grad school. My life is busier than I would like at times. I have to let him fend for himself a lot while I read or work on a project for class. My ultimate goal of being a school librarian seems modest, considering all of the wonderful things you can do with a LIS degree. But being a school librarian (or school media specialist) will mean I will still have summers free, and will be, more or less, on the same schedule as my son. He will still benefit from my being there to help him with homework and take him to music lessons in the afternoons so his evenings can be free (or more free than they would if I worked in a different position).
There is nothing wrong with being ambitious. There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself that might not be the "best" thing for others in your life. But there's also nothing wrong with choosing the slower path, the one that might not lead to promotions and big salaries, but does allow you to smell the roses sometimes.
I know a lot of women who have their own home businesses (jewelry, skin care and makeup, home produce delivery, exercise and health supplements, and so on). While I didn't think that was a good fit for me, it is a great opportunity for many women, mostly moms, to make money on their schedules, to still get to be a mom while making money. And isn't that what we all want to do - make enough money that we can enjoy our lives and spend time with our families and friends?
No matter which path you are on:
It seems counter-intuitive, but writing my blog is definitely a different experience than writing a paper. No citations, no checking to make sure I have formatted things correctly... this is the part of school I was not looking forward to when I began!
But I have had a topic on my mind for awhile now, and I wanted to share.
Every day, I drive the same route to take my son to school and pick him up. So in 2 1/2 years, I've probably passed by this same corner, with a stoplight, hundreds and hundreds of times.
About a month ago, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to my right, and lo and behold, there are (miniature) horses in the yard, right beyond the fence.
Horses. I think there's four of them, but there may be five. It is hard to see, as you go by or even if you're stopped at the light, the entire yard and count them.
You'd think that I would notice horses, even very small ones, before now. I have, after all, lived in this town for almost 12 years. This lot is on a busy residential street, and while the fence has a lot of vines and bushes to cover portions of it, once you see the horses, you cannot imagine how you didn't see them before.
But isn't that how life is? There are little moments of grace and joy that we, as busy people, rush by and pay no attention to, until something literally or figuratively nudges us to notice.
Now, every time I go by, I look to see if the horses are out and about. My son looks, too. They are about the size of a large dog, and I keep imagining why they are there. Does the owner rent them for parties for little kids? Are they raised as therapy animals or service animals? Are they simply beloved pets of someone who lives adjacent to this lot?
Can I go pet them someday?
But the bigger question is, what else am I missing because my eyes are focused on the prize? Stop and smell the roses, they tell us, but then they also tell us to work hard, play hard, and to lean in, and that we can be anything we want if we just work hard enough.
I have been fortunate enough to stay home with my son for eight years now. There have been times when I have despaired that I would ever have time for myself, or uninterrupted adult conversation, again. (And I only have one kid. I know many moms with two, three or more kids vying for their time). But I have also reveled in the moments when I get to sit outside on a sunny day and play with my kid (or let him play while I soaked up the sun). I have loved taking him museums and other places and not having to deal with the weekend crowds.
Now, though, I am turning away from that life (very slowly) as I begin grad school. My life is busier than I would like at times. I have to let him fend for himself a lot while I read or work on a project for class. My ultimate goal of being a school librarian seems modest, considering all of the wonderful things you can do with a LIS degree. But being a school librarian (or school media specialist) will mean I will still have summers free, and will be, more or less, on the same schedule as my son. He will still benefit from my being there to help him with homework and take him to music lessons in the afternoons so his evenings can be free (or more free than they would if I worked in a different position).
There is nothing wrong with being ambitious. There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself that might not be the "best" thing for others in your life. But there's also nothing wrong with choosing the slower path, the one that might not lead to promotions and big salaries, but does allow you to smell the roses sometimes.
I know a lot of women who have their own home businesses (jewelry, skin care and makeup, home produce delivery, exercise and health supplements, and so on). While I didn't think that was a good fit for me, it is a great opportunity for many women, mostly moms, to make money on their schedules, to still get to be a mom while making money. And isn't that what we all want to do - make enough money that we can enjoy our lives and spend time with our families and friends?
No matter which path you are on:
- Don't forget to look around and listen to your child tell you a story or see the picture she drew.
- Don't forget to check in with a friend, just to say hi and reconnect, because it will make your soul smile.
- Don't forget to take a moment to thank God or the universe or whatever you believe in for sunsets and tulips and beautiful vistas and yummy food and life-giving water and chocolate.
- Don't forget to set aside time to read, or do yoga, or binge-watch your favorite show, or cook a great dinner, or get a mani/pedi, or whatever else recharges your batteries.
- Don't forget the roses. And the horses. They are magic.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Taking a Deep Breath
If I don't post very much for the next few months, it is because I have started grad school.
{Gasp}
After being out of school for 20 years or so, it is HARD to get back into the habit of studying, researching, and turning in assignments. I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, but this week, I feel I have a handle on it.
I didn't last week.
Because not only did I have grad school starting last week, but my son was in a play, and I had to make 7 crock pots of taco soup for a teacher luncheon at my son's school. Yes, last week did not demonstrate good planning and judgment on my part.
But I reached out to friends and family, and made it through. I had a nice cry, buckled down and finished my assignments due this week, and let my husband handle play duty for a few nights.
So often, we forget to take a deep breath. We forget to appreciate the little things. We forget to treat ourselves right, and eat well, and get the right amount of sleep, because we're the moms, and that's what moms are supposed to do. But we end up so much worse off than if we took a deep breath and made our health a priority.
I decided that sanity was important than punctuality, and let my son sleep in on Friday. He got to school about an hour late, but was SO much better off for it. After a LONG month of practices that, honestly, were too late for him (getting to bed an hour after his bedtime, wound up), and an opening night performance Thursday, I knew he would feel better, and I would feel better, if he slept in a little. I ran it by his teacher to make sure he didn't miss anything important, and, thankfully, she understood.
And while I kept eating the things I am supposed to eat, and didn't eat one bit of chocolate (very proud of myself for that), I didn't worry so much about getting in my daily exercise. There simply weren't enough hours in the day. I worked out one day this last weekend, and knew that was good enough.
And on Monday, I went with some of my dear friends to a museum and we let our kids have a great time playing. That built up my happiness reserve again and gave me what I needed to get through this week. We don't get to do that nearly often enough.
It is the little things. It is the note and gift of tea from a friend. It is a hug. It is a pat on the back. It is a call from my sweet mom, making sure everything was looking a little rosier now that the first week of grad school was past me. It is watching our kids launch paper airplanes, and build contraptions with pulleys and buckets and ramps and dominos, and try to catch butterflies and explore an incredible treehouse/playground.
It is remembering, each morning, before I get up, to take some deep breaths and think positive thoughts, to not just jump right into the day, but thank God for that day first and for all the joys and challenges it will bring.
If I can remember to breathe, I think I will get through this first semester of grad school okay.
{Gasp}
After being out of school for 20 years or so, it is HARD to get back into the habit of studying, researching, and turning in assignments. I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, but this week, I feel I have a handle on it.
I didn't last week.
Because not only did I have grad school starting last week, but my son was in a play, and I had to make 7 crock pots of taco soup for a teacher luncheon at my son's school. Yes, last week did not demonstrate good planning and judgment on my part.
But I reached out to friends and family, and made it through. I had a nice cry, buckled down and finished my assignments due this week, and let my husband handle play duty for a few nights.
So often, we forget to take a deep breath. We forget to appreciate the little things. We forget to treat ourselves right, and eat well, and get the right amount of sleep, because we're the moms, and that's what moms are supposed to do. But we end up so much worse off than if we took a deep breath and made our health a priority.
I decided that sanity was important than punctuality, and let my son sleep in on Friday. He got to school about an hour late, but was SO much better off for it. After a LONG month of practices that, honestly, were too late for him (getting to bed an hour after his bedtime, wound up), and an opening night performance Thursday, I knew he would feel better, and I would feel better, if he slept in a little. I ran it by his teacher to make sure he didn't miss anything important, and, thankfully, she understood.
And while I kept eating the things I am supposed to eat, and didn't eat one bit of chocolate (very proud of myself for that), I didn't worry so much about getting in my daily exercise. There simply weren't enough hours in the day. I worked out one day this last weekend, and knew that was good enough.
And on Monday, I went with some of my dear friends to a museum and we let our kids have a great time playing. That built up my happiness reserve again and gave me what I needed to get through this week. We don't get to do that nearly often enough.
It is the little things. It is the note and gift of tea from a friend. It is a hug. It is a pat on the back. It is a call from my sweet mom, making sure everything was looking a little rosier now that the first week of grad school was past me. It is watching our kids launch paper airplanes, and build contraptions with pulleys and buckets and ramps and dominos, and try to catch butterflies and explore an incredible treehouse/playground.
It is remembering, each morning, before I get up, to take some deep breaths and think positive thoughts, to not just jump right into the day, but thank God for that day first and for all the joys and challenges it will bring.
If I can remember to breathe, I think I will get through this first semester of grad school okay.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Inspiration Comes from Cleaning
Before anyone who knows me well has a heart attack, thinking that aliens must have taken over my body if I found inspiration in doing something I dislike (cleaning), let me put your mind at ease.
My much-neater husband took the opportunity of a day off last Friday to do some "spring" cleaning, and I felt a little guilty, so I cleaned out a few drawers.
What I found amazed me.
It is a slightly wrinkled print that was in an envelope. I don't remember receiving it as a gift, or purchasing it, or even putting it in that drawer sometime in the last 11 years that we have lived here.
The message of the print sounds like me, so much that I've put it here, over my computer, to uplift me as I begin grad school next week.
Here it is, a picture, then the words:
"she lives
she dances.
she sings.
she takes, she gives.
she serves.
she loves and creates.
she dissents, she enlivens.
she sees.
she grows.
she sweats.
she changes.
she learns.
she laughs.
she sheds
her skin.
she bleeds on the
pages of her days.
she walks through walls.
she lives
with intention.
--- mary anne radmacher
I cannot tell you how much I love this. If someone in my life knows where this came from, great! If not, the mystery will continue, and I am not bothered by that. No matter when I got/purchased this, it is seems like a message from above. It is pushing me forward, toward a new career, toward a new, more healthy me, toward what God has planned for me.
It will serve as a reminder, on those days when I am struggling with making myself work out, or finish an assignment for school, or just get up out of bed when I'd rather stay warm under the covers, that I am living with intention. I am shedding my skin. And I am doing so with joy.
My much-neater husband took the opportunity of a day off last Friday to do some "spring" cleaning, and I felt a little guilty, so I cleaned out a few drawers.
What I found amazed me.
It is a slightly wrinkled print that was in an envelope. I don't remember receiving it as a gift, or purchasing it, or even putting it in that drawer sometime in the last 11 years that we have lived here.
The message of the print sounds like me, so much that I've put it here, over my computer, to uplift me as I begin grad school next week.
Here it is, a picture, then the words:
"she lives
she dances.
she sings.
she takes, she gives.
she serves.
she loves and creates.
she dissents, she enlivens.
she sees.
she grows.
she sweats.
she changes.
she learns.
she laughs.
she sheds
her skin.
she bleeds on the
pages of her days.
she walks through walls.
she lives
with intention.
--- mary anne radmacher
I cannot tell you how much I love this. If someone in my life knows where this came from, great! If not, the mystery will continue, and I am not bothered by that. No matter when I got/purchased this, it is seems like a message from above. It is pushing me forward, toward a new career, toward a new, more healthy me, toward what God has planned for me.
It will serve as a reminder, on those days when I am struggling with making myself work out, or finish an assignment for school, or just get up out of bed when I'd rather stay warm under the covers, that I am living with intention. I am shedding my skin. And I am doing so with joy.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
I am Here, and I Love You
It is the last day of the year, and for many, it is a time to reflect back on what we've learned in the past year, and look ahead to the coming year.
Some people make resolutions; others make revolutions (LOVED this article, BTW). While I have my resolutions/goals for the year (I'd like to wear a bikini this summer and feel good about it, continue to lower my sugar intake, have more patience with my son, and give my all to grad school), I realized that there was something much more important going on right now.
In talking to friends and family in the past few months, I realized that so many people I know are facing challenges right now. Some are struggling with something public - a divorce/the end of a relationship, the illness/death of a loved one, a new job or home or career - while others have a more private struggle with mental illness or other "silent" diseases that others might not know about just by looking at them.
Either way, when you're sad, or angry, or frustrated, or weak, or sick, or scared, or many of these all at once, you feel alone in the world. Well-meaning people ask, "How are you," and you don't always feel like telling them how you actually feel, so you just say, "Fine," when you feel anything but fine.
We are such independent people. We don't like to ask for help. We don't even like to admit to ourselves that we need help sometimes.
But all of us need support and love and to know that someone cares.
Yesterday, I posted a generic post on Facebook, shared from someone else, to show my support for everyone who is fighting an "invisible illness." But I want to go beyond posting something on my Facebook wall. I want to reach out to everyone I know who is having a tough time right now. I want to say to you, I am here, and I love you.
I am here, and I love you.
These are simple words, but they have great power.
My life is good right now. But when I have had dark days, having someone say, "I'm here for you" has meant the world to me. Having someone say, "I love you" has meant the world to me.
Even if you're good, in general, but there is just one thing that is out of whack in your life, I am here, and I love you.
Even writing those words lightens my heart, because I know I have people who love me and support me. So pass it on. Tell a friend you're there for them. Smile at a stranger (especially the mom whose child is having a tantrum in the middle of Target). Say in words, or actions, that you care.
Some people make resolutions; others make revolutions (LOVED this article, BTW). While I have my resolutions/goals for the year (I'd like to wear a bikini this summer and feel good about it, continue to lower my sugar intake, have more patience with my son, and give my all to grad school), I realized that there was something much more important going on right now.
In talking to friends and family in the past few months, I realized that so many people I know are facing challenges right now. Some are struggling with something public - a divorce/the end of a relationship, the illness/death of a loved one, a new job or home or career - while others have a more private struggle with mental illness or other "silent" diseases that others might not know about just by looking at them.
Either way, when you're sad, or angry, or frustrated, or weak, or sick, or scared, or many of these all at once, you feel alone in the world. Well-meaning people ask, "How are you," and you don't always feel like telling them how you actually feel, so you just say, "Fine," when you feel anything but fine.
We are such independent people. We don't like to ask for help. We don't even like to admit to ourselves that we need help sometimes.
But all of us need support and love and to know that someone cares.
Yesterday, I posted a generic post on Facebook, shared from someone else, to show my support for everyone who is fighting an "invisible illness." But I want to go beyond posting something on my Facebook wall. I want to reach out to everyone I know who is having a tough time right now. I want to say to you, I am here, and I love you.
I am here, and I love you.
These are simple words, but they have great power.
My life is good right now. But when I have had dark days, having someone say, "I'm here for you" has meant the world to me. Having someone say, "I love you" has meant the world to me.
Even if you're good, in general, but there is just one thing that is out of whack in your life, I am here, and I love you.
Even writing those words lightens my heart, because I know I have people who love me and support me. So pass it on. Tell a friend you're there for them. Smile at a stranger (especially the mom whose child is having a tantrum in the middle of Target). Say in words, or actions, that you care.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Treat Yourself (and your Honey)
For one night (or two), I give you permission to feed your child(ren) chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, or whatever their favorite food is.
Just so you (and your significant other) can enjoy these FABULOUS stuffed peppers.
It's been a while since I put a recipe on the blog. I have been more inspired by life, and politics, in the past few months. But I still love to eat. As an aside, if you're looking for more great recipes that are healthy, visit Skinny Mom. Everything we have tried has been incredibly good, and honestly doesn't taste like "diet" food. This recipe I found on their site, although it was a re-post from another blog. Here's the link to the original recipe!
But on to my decadent recipe, perfect to be shared with someone you love... and it is ready in under 30 minutes. Winner!
2 medium bell peppers, halved lengthwise, seeds and ribs removed
2 tsp oil (I didn't use this, but depending on what type of sausage you choose, you might need to)
2 links (or 3/4 lb) sausage of your choice, casings removed (I used Hillshire Farm mild sausage)
4 ounces goat cheese, softened
2 large handfuls of arugula (about 1 1/2 oz), or you can just use 1/2 of the 5 oz package like I did
Salt, pepper and red pepper flakes, to taste
1 1/2 TB freshly grated Parmesan
Heat oven to 400 degrees. Place peppers on a baking sheet (covered with foil) and set aside.
Heat olive oil (if using) in medium skillet over medium/high heat. Add sausage and cook until it browns, crumbling with a wooden spoon as it cooks. Once the sausage has browned, drain it, reduce heat to low and stir in the arugula and goat cheese until the cheese has melted and the arugula is wilted. Taste and add salt, pepper and red pepper to taste.
Spoon filling into the peppers and sprinkle each half with Parmesan. Bake for 12-15 minutes, until the peppers have softened slightly. Serve immediately.
Just FYI, the original recipe called for three peppers, but I found this filling worked perfectly for two peppers. Maybe my peppers were bigger than "medium" or maybe I just like more filling. I served this with Skinny Mom Quinoa Mexi-Lime Salad, since one pepper wasn't enough for my husband (it was for me). You could make this lighter by using turkey sausage, but I decided that if you're going to be decadent, you might as well really be decadent and enjoy real sausage.
I hope you like this as much as we did. Happy holidays!
Just so you (and your significant other) can enjoy these FABULOUS stuffed peppers.
It's been a while since I put a recipe on the blog. I have been more inspired by life, and politics, in the past few months. But I still love to eat. As an aside, if you're looking for more great recipes that are healthy, visit Skinny Mom. Everything we have tried has been incredibly good, and honestly doesn't taste like "diet" food. This recipe I found on their site, although it was a re-post from another blog. Here's the link to the original recipe!
But on to my decadent recipe, perfect to be shared with someone you love... and it is ready in under 30 minutes. Winner!
Sausage, Goat Cheese and Arugula Stuffed Peppers
2 medium bell peppers, halved lengthwise, seeds and ribs removed
2 tsp oil (I didn't use this, but depending on what type of sausage you choose, you might need to)
2 links (or 3/4 lb) sausage of your choice, casings removed (I used Hillshire Farm mild sausage)
4 ounces goat cheese, softened
2 large handfuls of arugula (about 1 1/2 oz), or you can just use 1/2 of the 5 oz package like I did
Salt, pepper and red pepper flakes, to taste
1 1/2 TB freshly grated Parmesan
Heat oven to 400 degrees. Place peppers on a baking sheet (covered with foil) and set aside.
Heat olive oil (if using) in medium skillet over medium/high heat. Add sausage and cook until it browns, crumbling with a wooden spoon as it cooks. Once the sausage has browned, drain it, reduce heat to low and stir in the arugula and goat cheese until the cheese has melted and the arugula is wilted. Taste and add salt, pepper and red pepper to taste.
Spoon filling into the peppers and sprinkle each half with Parmesan. Bake for 12-15 minutes, until the peppers have softened slightly. Serve immediately.
Just FYI, the original recipe called for three peppers, but I found this filling worked perfectly for two peppers. Maybe my peppers were bigger than "medium" or maybe I just like more filling. I served this with Skinny Mom Quinoa Mexi-Lime Salad, since one pepper wasn't enough for my husband (it was for me). You could make this lighter by using turkey sausage, but I decided that if you're going to be decadent, you might as well really be decadent and enjoy real sausage.
I hope you like this as much as we did. Happy holidays!
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